Youth Hockey Coach Keeps Skating and Establishes Local Testicular Cancer Support Group

Matt Cross lives in Raleigh, North Carolina, his adopted city, after leaving Canada in 2010 to coach youth hockey.

At age 35 on December 25, 2019, he learned he had Stage 2B testicular cancer.

He shares his story of testicular cancer survival after finding a lump on his testicle, waiting a few months, and then visiting the doctor.  During his cancer journey, he found little support for men with testicular cancer in the Raleigh area. So, he created the Raleigh Testicular Cancer Foundation, a support and educational nonprofit to help men navigate their cancer journey and raise awareness about the disease.

Listen to Matt talk about his testicular cancer survival and the men he has helped since 2019.  He continues to coach his youth hockey players and provide ongoing support for men with testicular cancer.

The Don't Give Up on Testicular Cancer podcast comes from the Max Mallory Foundation.

Transcript

Youth Hockey Coach Keeps Skating and Establishes Local Testicular Cancer Support Group, with Matt Cross, season 3, episode 8

ANNOUNCER: Welcome to Don't Give Up on Testicular Cancer, a podcast where testicular cancer survivors, caregivers, and others who have navigated the cancer journey share their stories. The podcast comes to you from the Max Mallory Foundation. A non-profit family foundation focused on educating about testicular cancer in honor and in memory of Max Mallory, who died in 2016 at the young age of 22 from testicular cancer. Had he survived, Max wanted to help young adults with cancer. This podcast helps meet that goal. Here now is your host, Joyce Lofstrom, Max's mom, and a young adult cancer survivor.

JOYCE: On December 25th, 2019, Toronto native and nine-year resident Matt Cross was diagnosed with stage 2B testicular cancer. A cancer diagnosis would disrupt anybody's life, but for Matt, a 35-year-old respected and successful youth hockey coach living in Raleigh, North Carolina, this development was particularly jarring. Not knowing where to begin, Matt searched for a community of testicular cancer survivors or patients and found nothing of the sort in the Raleigh area. Matt was finally cancer-free after orchiectomy surgery, nine weeks of intensive chemotherapy, and a second invasive surgery to remove tumorous lymph nodes in the abdominal area. With cancer behind him, he decided to give back to his community and founded the Raleigh Testicular Cancer Foundation, which he will tell us about during our talk this morning. So, Matt, welcome.

MATT: Thanks for having me.

JOYCE: I'm always glad to connect survivors. I'd like to start with just your story. Tell us about your journey, what happened, treatments, anything you want to share with us.

MATT: So I'm originally from Toronto, as you mentioned in that introduction. I'm a Canadian who moved to Raleigh around 12 and a half years ago. I train hockey players for a living. I'm blessed to be able to work with kids. We have a training facility in Raleigh, and we do lessons and camps and I get to act like a kid all day. And around two and a half years ago, I was living I guess what you would call a normal life for somebody in their mid-thirties. I was enjoying everything that the Raleigh city had to offer--obviously very happy and enjoying my career. And I had a bump on my testicle for a number of months. And typical male, I said, you know, I'll get it checked when I have a reason to go to the doctor, right? In my man brain, the bump had gotten smaller. And so I just figured, well, you know, it's getting smaller. If I leave it long enough, it'll just kind of disappear.

And of course, [I] did what men do and just didn't think about it. I actually had a few kind of big life events happen in a short period of time. I was diagnosed with a heart condition called left bundle branch block; a relationship that I was in for a few years ended; and then I was diagnosed with testicular cancer. I had a three big life events happen in a very short period of time--which I actually joke [about] and look back on and think that it actually helped me through my process. But [when] diagnosed--and a lot of men who are diagnosed with testicular cancer know--things happen very quickly.

So in a matter of weeks, you know, you have a surgery to remove a testicle. And because my tumor had spread into my stomach, chemotherapy was scheduled. I went through the nine-week kind of normal DEP cycle, which a lot of guys are familiar with. And my tumor actually got a little bit bigger through treatment. So I had the RPLND surgery to remove what was left of the tumor in my stomach. And I was blessed. Not being from, but adopting this city as my home, I received a lot of support. The local hockey community really stepped up and supported me in a number of different ways from a GoFundMe to food gift cards to emails and texts and phone calls. I was showered with a lot of support. And for me, [recognizing] a lot of men or anybody that's diagnosed with cancer can feel guilty about all that attention and love that you're receiving. It kind of strokes your ego in a really weird way. Everything's about you and everybody's giving you all of this love. And then you kind of realize, well, it's because you're sick. It's not because you actually did anything that you believe was good in the world.

And so through [that], I did my best to pay attention to what was around me. So when I went into the infusion center, I looked around and I took in that environment and I took in kind of what was happening in those facilities and all the individual stories that each of these people were living and [I] realized that I was actually lucky that I caught my cancer early enough where I had some treatment options. I was lucky that I got testicular cancer and not a different form of cancer. There is a high cure rate for most men. But I also realized that there were a lot of people in those cancer centers that weren't going to be as lucky as I was, and might not make it out of that cancer center and might not be able to ring that bell. And so I really wanted to see the community that had supported me. I wanted my story to continue.

I had a lot of women at the time in my network that were cancer survivors [to] help myself and my family when I got diagnosed. And one of the things that they advised [is] that I do is a Facebook page. And the original idea was instead of emailing and texting a lot of people back, I could use the Facebook page as kind of a central location where I could just give an update, and everybody could get an idea of what I was going through. That's how it started. And what happened was I think I discovered a love for writing and a love for sharing my story. I talked about a lot of things that men don't talk about. I was vulnerable and shared physically and mentally what I was going through. And I realized, you know, everybody's going through something. A lot of men and women began to reach out to me and share with me the suffering or the struggles or the things that they were battling through in their life. And you realize that we're all the same and we're all going through something, and that the power of storytelling and community is endless. And so there was a void, kind of, in the market. In Raleigh or the Southeast area. As a lot of people know, there are some testicular cancer foundations and charities that you find if you Google. And I very much wanted to start an organization that was giving back specifically to the same community that I moved to, that I adopted, that supported me when I got sick. So we started the Raleigh Testicular Cancer Foundation.

JOYCE: Wow. That's quite a story with everything that happened to you, like those three kind of milestones in your life. So, you know, you're in the Raleigh area. I think that's also known in the U.S. as the Research Triangle, if I'm correct.

MATT: It is.

JOYCE: How did you find the right doctor and treatment to go to? And I'm only asking that because I think people like to hear this because of listeners from different parts of the country, and it's sometimes hard to find a physician or a surgeon who is familiar with testicular cancer. What did you do?

MATT: So, first of all, I'm lucky that I am in the Research Triangle and that this area does have some really well-respected, successful institutions with Duke Cancer Center and Institution, and then UNC, Wake Med. So there are a lot of very valuable institutions right in our backyard.

I'm going to tell a story. I tell this story often. I think it's funny. We'll see if your listeners do. Being a Canadian, I come from socialized medicine, right? Where you pay for it in your taxes. And this was the first time as a young man, I had to kind of pay for some healthcare. And so when I had gotten an ultrasound and my GP suggested I go see a urologist, I booked an appointment and I was sitting in the parking lot at 7.30 in the morning waiting to go in and I was just thinking about this idea that I had to, you know, run my credit card and pay a couple hundred bucks to get seen. And I was kind of wincing at this idea. I was like, man, this just feels weird. And a gentleman pulled in, in a really nice car and a really expensive suit and a beautiful briefcase. And I jokingly said, I said, if that's my urologist, I'm going to have a big problem. And again, I'm not trying to make this political. I've learned that the urologist is a great guy. He's very successful, super-popular, great at his job. And sure enough, I'm sitting in the waiting room and this gentleman walks in and sits down and in a very kind of car salesman like way, crosses his legs and in a matter of 45 seconds says, you know, we're going to schedule blood work. We're going to schedule surgery to remove the testicle. And I just was like pumped to break.

You know, at that point, I truly did not think that I had testicular cancer. I still didn't think that it was cancer. And so for me, I hesitated because I thought this just couldn't be right. This is about making money. This is about taking care of me. Now, of course, I was wrong, right? I agreed to do blood work and get a second opinion, which we did. My blood work actually came back negative. So I celebrated and joked with everybody that, you know, see, I told you I didn't have cancer. And then got a second opinion. And that second opinion was exactly the same as the first opinion. It was just delivered differently. The urologist spent a solid 45 minutes to an hour. He was calm and he was comforting and I really liked his personality. And so that's actually how I ended up choosing Duke.

You know, a lot of people around you, when you get sick, have opinions, right? Everybody tries to give you--you should do this, you should do this. And only people that get diagnosed with cancer know what it's like getting in that chair--when you have a doctor or a nurse, or a nurse navigator sitting across from you telling you what you need to do. And I think it's often hard to push back or to understand that you're allowed to go to different institutions or get second opinion. And so I got very lucky. I got set up at Duke and my experience was fantastic there. My doctor was great. And actually now that I operate at the charity, I have a great relationship with a lot of the hospitals here locally. But I think it's important that men know, not just for their regular health, but if you do get sick and diagnosed with cancer, that you're allowed to shop around a little bit. You're allowed to move around until you feel comfortable. And advocating for yourself is difficult, but you're allowed to do it.

JOYCE: You know, you make a really good point, Matt, because I agree with you a hundred percent. And it's you quite well, the difference between the two urologists that you went to and how they dealt with your cancer. And obviously one took the time to sit and talk with you and explain things. And I know my son Max had that same experience and I have too, and I've had cancer surgeries where I, a couple of days before scheduled surgery, I canceled it and went and found another doctor because of what, you know, a comment or something just doesn't feel right. So I applaud you for doing that and sharing that with all of our listeners. Who's provided the most support for you? You mentioned the hockey community came together. How did you get through it and who was your support system?

MATT: Yeah, the hockey community was amazing. You know, I've already said, but moving here as a 26-year-old, moving out of my mom's basement and the first go at being a man, you think that you found a home and you think that you found a community. But when I got sick, that was just confirmed for me. And so that was obviously a great feeling. It actually gave me purpose, right? It gave me an aim. it gave me something to look to while I was sick. I very much knew that I had hundreds, if not thousands of people in the local community watching how I was going to navigate being sick. And I had young kids that, you know, I try to inspire, and I try to lead, and I try to motivate on a daily basis. Maybe not watching, but at some point, would see kind of how I handle things. And so that actually, that got me up in the morning, right? That  gave me, as I said--I was able to get up in the morning and carry the burden of my suffering and everything that I was going through. And even on the crappiest of days [I thought], there's a reason why I'm doing this. This is worth it because of what I can show this entire community.

So having the hockey community there was great. My dad moved down here for about seven weeks and supported me by living at my apartment and taking me to my appointments. Funny enough, I got sick right before COVID. So COVID actually hit right near the end of my chemo cycle. So my dad, the smart man that he is, packed his bags and got back across the border before it got shut down. But having him here was fantastic. And obviously the regular friends and family stepped up and supported in that sense. And again, I think that's a big reason why created a charity, is to create a support system for a lot of guys that don't have it or might think they have it, but maybe need it in a different way. And maybe we can talk about this, but I truly believe that men confiding in other men, specifically strangers, is a really big deal. And so this support system is so important.

JOYCE: Well, why don't you go ahead and talk about your charity and what you just mentioned about men talking to other men, especially strangers. Just kind of tell us more about your Raleigh Testicular Cancer Foundation.

MATT: Yeah, so we have a mission of raising awareness and education. We're also trying to break stigmas associated with testicular cancer, but men's health in general, and not just physical health, but mental health. We created a community with people that have the shared experience of testicular cancer. And I've been blessed to get connected with patients here locally in the triangle. And we support those patients a number of different ways. So we provide financial grants that help with healthcare costs and transportation and food and, and all sorts of expenses that men don't realize are going to come up, not only when diagnosed, but for years and years afterwards. You know, I put in daily and weekly phone calls to these guys. [For] a lot of men, I will show up, which I think is really, really important and sit with them during treatment. We'll go for lunch. We'll go for dinner. We'll hang out with the family. The charity specifically has to inspire people right in our neighborhood.

I learned, working with kids, that you can change people's lives by how you treat them and what you say to them, and how you say it to them. And so we really believe that  we're giving back in a way that ripples and ripples, and impacts beyond our wildest imagination. Being able to sit with these men, you know, and say, listen, I'm not, I'm not here to get rid of your cancer or to solve your problems, but I am willing to sit here in the burning fire with you and hold your hand. You know, me being a survivor, somebody that's been through it, I think that's really valuable for a lot of these guys to speak to somebody or have somebody in their corner that has been through exactly what they're going through. So I'm incredibly honored to have that opportunity. I don't take that responsibility lightly.

We very much [want to] be a charity that shares stories, right? Just like this podcast. You know, it started with me sharing my story on Facebook, right? And then we started a charity, and now the charity has kind of got its own story. And then there's obviously the story of all these individual men. And I think sharing the stories of these men is just really important. And so what I've learned is all of them, or most of them, aren't comfortable with their emotions, right? For whatever reason, whether it's society or our childhood or, movies and TV shows we’re, I think, taught that being emotional is somehow a weakness and that you shouldn't show your emotions. I think men [are] learning to be vulnerable; they can find strength and power in that.

And so men need an outlet. They need to speak to people. They need to talk about what they're going through. They need to realize that they're not alone. And I found that  speaking to the women in our lives, there's obviously value there. I don't always think it's appropriate. And I think speaking to other men that we know really well comes with some fear, right? These men already know us. And so there's that fear that they're going to judge you. And so speaking to other men that are strangers, I find works really well, you know? And so, you know, people ask me, you know, are you surprised how connected you've gotten to a lot of these guys? And I said, well, not really. No, I’m being  myself and they're themselves. And you'd be surprised how simple that is. It's not complicated at all. It's like, you know, men go off, and just kind of sharing who they are and what they're going through has such an impact. And I'm sure you've talked about this on various podcasts, but men commit suicide at an alarming rate. And, you know, it's just not talked about. There's a lot of women's charities and they're obviously really important. And the work that women's charities have done over the last 50 years is just mind blowing. There's not a lot of men's charities. And I think there needs to be more support for men, especially in the cancer world.

JOYCE: Yeah, you're right. I agree with everything you said a hundred percent, and I think for all of us sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger, at least at the beginning, because they don't know you, as you said, and it's just a conversation. So, and I think this part of the podcast, just to mention you have this on your website--but just when you talk about connecting with men with testicular cancer, there's a statistic that's out there that most listeners may know, but over 9,600 men will be diagnosed with testicular cancer in the U.S. this year, and 250 men will be diagnosed at some point in their lifetime, and that doesn't sound like a lot, but it really is if you're a man [under] 55 and are at risk for this.

I remember when Max got sick, they said it was a rare cancer. And I guess statistically, maybe it is, but it's very real for all of us who've been touched by it. But thank you for all that you're doing with that. I think it's great, especially the phone calls and that kind of connection that you've established. Tell us now a little bit about your work in hockey. I obviously have never played, and my kids didn't play, but it's so popular all over the world. And I also want to know how--just talk a little bit about some of your players and  what they're doing in hockey and just more about your job.

MATT: Yeah. So quickly, let me touch on the statistics because I think that's a really important.

JOYCE: Okay. Sure.

MATT: Yeah. And I'm sure you talk about it all the time, but we're just going to hammer it into your listeners. Cause that's the key, right? It’s awareness. I think with testicular cancer, you're right. You know, you'll hear the doctor say it's rare, but in the same phrase, it's the number one, [the] most diagnosed cancer [for men aged] 15 to 35. Right? So it's not rare if you're 15 to 35, right? It's the number one, most common cancer in the active military, right? In the firefighting community, you're 202% more likely to get testicular cancer than you are other cancers. And so self-checks are important.

Women have been taught over the years to get familiar with their bodies for a number of obvious reasons. And obviously, self-checking women's breasts has been a movement for, and a campaign for years and years and years, and you know you just don't see it with men. 

So we actually have a Check Your Acorns campaign. If anybody checks out our charity or our website, you'll see that our logo is a hand kind of grabbing two acorns. The city of Raleigh, its nickname is the City of Oaks because we have a lot of oak trees. And so acorns are kind of a common symbol. At New Year's, they drop an acorn here. So men performing self-checks is really important--kind of using testicular cancer for men just to be aware of their health in general, right? Not just performing a self-check on your testicle, but other areas of your body. And realizing that, you know, if you have something going on, you got to get to a GP [general practitioner] and you've got to get things checked out. And so I think that's important, right?

You know, testicular cancer is highly curable, which is awesome, but it's highly curable if you catch it early. You don't catch it early, then it gets really scary. And so [for] anybody,  just remember that. I also talked about the idea that it's great that it's very curable, but that also means that there are thousands and thousands of men that are living as survivors as men that now a lot of them only have one testicle.

JOYCE: Right.

MATT: And so I very much talk about the mental health side of going through testicular cancer. I very much think it's a ‘mental health cancer’ where what's going on in your ears is equally as important as your treatment and being cured. You know, testicular cancer, your experience, usually, for most men is less than six months. You're diagnosed, you have an orchiectomy, you have chemo. And if you're lucky, you're done within six months. And then you're kind of thrown out into the world again to say, all right, good luck. When, you know, you've gone through trauma, and you see the world through a different lens, and you have this experience now that you have to carry with you for the rest of your life. And so I just think that's also something important for a lot of men to think about where they might look at it and say, well, really high cure rate. It's not that big of a deal. Couldn't be more wrong from on that point.

You know, as I said, I'm very lucky to, as a hockey player, get to skate every day and be active and mess around and laugh. And you know, we do individual lessons and classes and camps and I put [together] an actual team, which I really enjoy. And so, it was a long time ago working with kids that, you have a really important role in their life, more important than the teacher or the parent at home, in that what you say matters and how you act matters, and that you're a leader for these young men. And you can inspire and change their life if you say the right thing to the right kid at the right time. And so, you know, I carry that responsibility every day. I try to be careful. Is it the right time to talk about my cancer experience? And is it the appropriate age group or the appropriate group of youth hockey players? But it has obviously provided me a chance to talk about some kind of bigger life issues with young men, which I think has been really valuable.

And again, like we've already talked about, it's so easy, right? Just creating a conversation and you’d think I'm not surprised, but some people are surprised how much young boys are starving for mature conversation. You'd think that they don't want to hear about somebody going through cancer, but you'd be surprised. These young kids they ask questions and they have discussions about it and they see our Check Your Acorns advertisements in the rink every day, and you can hear people comment about it. And so, yeah, I mean, I'm blessed to be a hockey coach. I mean, I'm very lucky. I know it's a, it's a unique profession and [I’ve] been doing it a long time. I obviously enjoy it.

JOYCE: Okay. Did you play hockey when you were young?

MATT: I did. Yeah. I played every sport imaginable. I was active for sure.

JOYCE: Yeah. Well, I'm in the Chicago area and you know, hockey's very big here with the Blackhawks, but just with the schools too. Everybody, lots of kids, play hockey and travel hockey teams and so forth, which I know you're very familiar with. As for me, I could never ice skate. So, you know, that's a practice, right?

MATT: Chicago is such a big hockey market. It's comparable to Toronto. I mean, I've been to Chicago so many times for tournaments. It's a really great place for tournaments. Obviously, thousands of hockey players play there, not just on the travel scene, but the high school scene. They actually have one of the bigger tournaments, youth hockey tournaments, all year in Chicago. It used to be called the CCM Invite, but now it's called something else. Yeah, no, and you guys got the number one pick in the NHL draft with Bedard.

JOYCE: Well, there's so many drafts going on right now. We just had the NFL draft.

MATT: Yeah, you guys got the number one pick, a generational player.

JOYCE: Oh, wow.

MATT: Very good. His name is Connor Bedard. So he'll be the next superstar in Chicago for sure.

JOYCE: Okay. Well, we'll watch for that. That's good to know. I'll tell my son, he's a big hockey fan. So, I just want to comment on a couple of things you said, and the basic one is, kind of don't wait if you see a lump or are concerned. I have so many people who have waited, and I know you said you waited a few months too, but I just think that that's a really important message for anyone with [their] health.

MATT: Yeah, you can't wait, right? It's a typical man thing to do, and for all the women that are listening too, the phrase is “wives save lives.” Very often, the percentages, but it's got to be high. Men end up going because the women in their life poke and prod enough times and say, go to the doctor. And then the men usually do it for the women in their lives. So women, keep annoying those men in your life, whether it's a bump on the testicle or whether it's something else that they're feeling. You're so right. If you have something, you got to get it checked out. You just do.

JOYCE: So, can you talk a little bit about, and we're almost done here, but you know, I always like to ask people, what's next for you, anything in your life you want to share:  hockey, the foundation?

MATT: Yeah, I mean, we're kind of in the summer, so the fall will gear up again for the youth hockey season. The charity, we have a lot of camping goals and ideas and whatnot. We're three weeks away from our annual golf tournament, so we're right in the thick of planning that. We have 100 plus golfers. have a goal of raising $35,000. The charity has raised almost $400,000 in the two and a half years since we started. So we're blessed that the community has supported us in that way. And we're obviously in a position to give back.

We've done a lot of presentations in the fraternity community. So we go and do 15-minute awareness presentations where we share our story and talk about the importance of self-checks to young men. And we're starting a campaign kind of in the firefighting community by going around to the various stations and handing out literature on testicular cancer. And again, just kind of sharing stories. And then we'll gear up for some Movember campaigns, which is a big kind of mass campaign [near] the end of the year. So, again, we're honored to kind of serve this community. We're extremely proud of what we've been able to manage as being a young charity only, operating it for about two and a half years. But at the end of the day, we're proud about the personalization, kind of the need-based support that we give these men. That's the best;   I love education and awareness. I do. I think it's important, but sharing stories and showing up for men in person. is what differentiates ourselves and that's what we're most proud of. So obviously not looking forward to more men being diagnosed, but when they do get diagnosed and get connected with us, whether it's through our Instagram at @CheckYourAcorns, or our website at http://www.checkyouracorns.org, you know, we'll be there to support these men in any way that's needed.

JOYCE: Well, I'm glad you just gave your website and Instagram because I wanted to ask you to share that with everybody. So again, it's checkyouracorns.org, correct?

MATT: Yep. And our Instagram handle is at @checkyouracorns. We're very active on social media. As I said, part of our mission is storytelling. And so it's very often the platform where we share stories. We are on LinkedIn and Facebook as well. But if you search Raleigh Testicular Cancer Foundation, you should be able to find us.

JOYCE: Okay. My last question, what song when you hear it you just have to sing along to it?

MATT: That's a good question. What I'll say is I am notorious for not knowing the lyrics to songs but singing along anyway. So I'm the guy that when there's a song I'll know maybe [a certain] percent of the words and I'll just insert other words for the rest of the song so I can at least sing. I'm really bad at that. I don't know which song I would say I actually know the words to that I have to sing when it comes on.

JOYCE: Do you have a favorite song in general? I'd be ready to sing to it, but, you know, if you don't, it's all right.

MATT: Not really. I kind of bounce around, you know, sometimes I'm listening to country, sometimes it's, you know, alternative rock, sometimes it's worship music. I mean, I kind of bounce around.

JOYCE: That's good then. Variety, yeah. Okay. Well, Matt, thanks for taking the time to talk to me. And again, if you want to find in the Raleigh Testicular Cancer Foundation, it's checkyouracorns.org. And maybe we'll have you come back after the golf tournament or something. You've raised so much money. That's wonderful. So that's great.

MATT: Well, I appreciate you having me on obviously, you know, anybody else that's doing amazing work like you are in not only the cancer space, but the men's cancer space, and even more specifically, the testicular cancer men's space is so important. And I know [after] you losing your son, having this podcast, and providing an opportunity for his legacy to live on--I'm honored to be on podcast and couldn't thank you enough for the discussion and look forward to coming back on and sharing more about what we do.

JOYCE: Well, I have to just give a quick shout out to Max's dad, Chuck Mallory, who connected with you first and his brother, John. We're all working together with our foundation. So I appreciate what you're doing in your time at so.

ANNOUNCER: Thank you for listening to this episode of Don't Give Up on Testicular Cancer. If you enjoyed this podcast, please subscribe to our program on your favorite podcast directory. You can also visit the Max Mallory Foundation at http://www.maxmalloryfoundation.com/podcast to listen to previous podcast episodes or donate to the foundation, and join us again next time for another episode of Don't Give Up on Testicular Cancer.

Disclaimer: We have done our best to ensure that the information provided on this Platform and the resources available for download are accurate and provide valuable information. This content is not a substitute for direct, personal, professional medical care and diagnosis. None of the information (including products and services) mentioned here should be performed or otherwise used without clearance from your physician or health care provider, who should be aware of the facts and circumstances of your individual situation. The information contained within is not intended to provide specific physical or mental health advice.