A Testicular Cancer Survivor Goes from Baseball to Culinary School

Caleb Kerbs played second base for a Division 1 baseball team at the University of Maine. His testicular cancer diagnosis happened during his junior year of college in 2018. He was lucky since his cancer was at Stage 1. Now, four years later, he tells his story of survival, meditation with Buddhist monks in Thailand, and culinary school. Listen to Caleb’s story on Don’t Give Up on Testicular Cancer from the Max Mallory Foundation. 

Transcript

Podcast: Don't Give Up on Testicular Cancer

Season 2, Episode 16: A Testicular Cancer Survivor Goes from Baseball to Culinary School

Time: 32:07

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

testicular cancer, YA cancer, Maine baseball, college, Max Mallory Foundation, Sloan-Kettering, culinary, meditation, Buddhist

Announcer

Welcome to Don't Give Up on Testicular Cancer, a podcast where testicular  cancer survivors, caregivers, and others who have navigated the cancer journey share their stories. The postcast comes to you from the Max Mallory Foundation, a nonprofit family foundation focused on educating about testicular cancer, in honor and memory of Max Mallory, who died in 2016 at the young age of 22 from testicular cancer. Had he survived, Max wanted to help young adults with cancer. This podcast helps with that goal. Here now is your host, Joyce Lofstrom, Max's mom and a young adult cancer survivor.

SPEAKERS

Caleb Kerbs, Joyce Lofstrom 

Joyce Lofstrom

0:00

Caleb Kerbs learned he had testicular cancer during his junior year of college at the University of Maine. It was 2018 and he was a division one baseball player on the team. He dropped out of school and returned to Brooklyn, New York, his hometown for treatment at Memorial Sloan Kettering in New York City. He came back to school and baseball to complete his senior year and raise awareness of testicular cancer. Now, four years later, Caleb shares his story of survival and appreciation for life, which he says came from his cancer diagnosis. Caleb, I'm glad you're here with me today. Thanks for joining.

Caleb Kerbs

0:56

Thanks for having me, Joyce.

Joyce Lofstrom

0:58

So, I'd like to just start the podcast by letting my guests tell his story about what happened with testicular cancer. So I'll say the same to you. I know you were a college athlete at the University of Maine when this happened. So share anything you would like about your testicular cancer.

Caleb Kerbs

1:18

Yeah, so just a little bit more background on myself. I'm originally from Brooklyn, New York. So I'm from the city. And as a young kid, I really wanted to play competitive baseball in college, that was one of my goals. And it's really difficult in New York City, just getting exposure from college baseball schools. So I made that a goal of mine early on, and wound up getting an opportunity, a small opportunity, to try to compete for a spot at a small division one school up north, which happens to be the University of Maine.

And upon committing to that school, the summer before getting to Maine, I actually broke my right leg. I had a pretty severe fracture, I was in a wheelchair for a couple of months, I went to my high school prom in a wheelchair. And it was just like this moment where I got pretty dark about, you know, the outlook of my baseball career. So as soon as I got onto campus, I was actually limping on campus, still, I had a boot on. And I just got super determined to not only make the baseball team, but also like, make make an impact on the field and try to win a starting spot. So, kind of,  the first three years of my time at the University of Maine was just spent in the weight room. Before school before the team practice, I would wake up early and go to the Rec Center workout. And I was really just one of those grinding athletes from, you know, New York City just trying to make it happen. And after my first year of sitting out, I got the starting spot at second base and, you know, continue to try to get, you know, get better at baseball and try to play at the next level.

We were winding down our junior year of school and the baseball season getting ready for the playoffs. I came out of the shower during practice and noticed a lump on my right testicle. And my first reaction was like, This is odd. This is something that I've never noticed before. And so I was just kind of like noting that in the back of my head, I started asking a couple of my teammates like, hey, like, do you guys have like a lump on one of your testicles? Like, is this normal? And a lot of the guys were like, Nah, man, you're good. You're good. Like, yeah, it's just like, everyone's a little different, that kind of thing. But in the back of my head, something still felt funky about it. So I reached out to my dad actually first and just told him I mentioned it like, hey, I found a lump on one of my testicles, I'm not really sure what to do. At this time, we're actually getting ready to travel to a school to play them for a three game series. And so my dad just told me to make an appointment at the campus doctor, and you know, see what they say.

So I wound up traveling with the team playing the three game series, and I had a little bit of soreness on my testicle like it was noticeably kind of painful during the time that I was playing that weekend. It was still like it went from being in the back of my mind to something like alright, there might be something here. So I went to the campus doctor. Initially, they tested me for sexually transmitted diseases, which I think is pretty common for college campuses. Those tests all came back negative. So they sent me to get an ultrasound at a nearby hospital in Maine. And I did that. And that same afternoon, I got a call from the doctor saying, you know, we saw something on the ultrasound, we're gonna need to send you to a urologist. Like a specialist. And that's when I started to get a little bit worried. You know, since I was from New York City, I didn't actually drive at all during my time at Maine. So I took taxis to all my doctor's appointments alone, and didn't really have someone to kind of talk through what I was going through at the time. That night, when I got home from the urologist, I spent a lot of time on YouTube, just like looking up videos about testicles and trying to see like what it could possibly be. Because I had no idea that cancer was one of the things.

I was staying up late that night. And I came across one video of a doctor talking about testicular cancer. I was like, that's worst case scenario. The next day, I went to see the specialist and walked into his office, he pulled up the image of the ultrasound on the screen. And he said, 'You see that mass right here, that gray area? That's cancer. You need to get surgery immediately.' I was shocked. It was like, 'Surgery? So are we just gonna take off the lump?' and he says, 'No, you have to take off the whole testicle.'

The first person I called was my baseball coach, and just told him what happened, and I was crying on the phone. And then after that, I made a series of phone calls. I called my dad and he couldn't believe it. He wanted to talk to the doctor. So I gave the doctor the phone with my dad. And you know, my dad kind of was in denial a little bit about it. And my dad called my mom, called my brother, called my other brother, and told them what happened. My mom's first reaction was to try to get me out of Maine, and get me to New York City where there are a lot more hospitals. Not knocking Maine, but it's just, it's a little bit more rural. So she made a phone call to Memorial Sloan Kettering and got me an appointment within a week. And I got the first flight back to New York City and left school.

First, I addressed the baseball team, which was kind of an intense moment for me to, you know, let everyone know that I was battling this disease that everyone was aware of, and had different, like stories of their own with cancer and their families and things like that. So that was a moment that was very memorable for me just addressing all my friends and coaches. And then, I went back to New York City. I met with a doctor, they did a CAT scan, and they started to do bloodwork for the tumor markers.

I caught it pretty early in the process. The cancer was stage one, it was starting to spread to one to one of my lymph nodes in my groin, but it was such a small kind of lymph node, that they weren't too worried about it. And then that week, I just stayed in New York City, waiting for the surgery. You know, I think it was a Friday and then it was Monday and I was just like, waiting in my house. Interestingly enough, my body started to have some weird reactions where I was getting night sweats. I just felt like super scared. I remember thinking about death and thinking that it's coming a lot sooner than I imagined, but it's like, this is real--like I don't know if I'm gonna make it. Those were some of the thoughts I was having.

Joyce Lofstrom

9:44

Right, yes. Normal.

Caleb Kerbs

9:48

Then I went and got the surgery and it was a bit painful afterwards. You know, they tell you that you can't do any activities for about eight weeks, and I was a baseball player in the middle of my career. So I had a hard time standing and, and like not swinging in the mirror, like looking at myself and like, just doing like baseball movements like in my bedroom, trying to do anything I could to let time pass and get back on the field. So that was a long couple of weeks. Then after they did surgery, removed the testicle, they monitored my tumor markers and saw that they were declining--so that the cancer wasn't spreading, you know, to other parts of my body. And we came up with a plan to do a surveillance protocol where I would get CAT scans two times a year. And X rays. I think every three or four months with bloodwork and just kind of surveillance protocol. I just saw my doctor at Sloan Kettering a week ago. And he said that I would have one more CAT scan in six months, and then I wouldn't need any more. And kind of like graduating in the surveillance protocol program to just needing bloodwork and like a chest X ray every couple of months or so. So that's good news for me. And yeah, that's pretty much my story.

Joyce Lofstrom

11:40

Well, I just want to react to a couple of things you said. And I think first is just your diligence and your perseverance in making the team and realizing that's what your goal was, and how to get there. That says a lot about you, Caleb, as a person, and you know, being able to do that after you had the broken leg. Which had to be very scary. I mean, just to go through all that and know that you're, you're off to Maine for baseball. And then I think the second thing is just being as you said, you're from New York, and going back to New York for treatment at Sloan Kettering. And that was a question I wanted to have you talk about because that's one of the top places in the country to go for testicular cancer. And, you know, I, I know a lot of our listeners struggle with, you know where to go, because not everybody has access easily to some of the top places in the country. And it's not to, as you said, to downplay or slam another location, but you know, certain medical centers and physicians have a lot more experience in treating this cancer. Because I know we went through the same thing with Max. But can you just talk a little bit about your experience at Sloan Kettering as a place to go for testicular cancer?

Caleb Kerbs

13:10

Yeah, I love Sloan Kettering, I would highly recommend anybody that's dealing with cancer to get treatment from the hospital. What I liked about it was just how efficient each appointment was. If I needed bloodwork, or an X ray, before I met with the doctor, it was always done in a timely fashion and everything was in the same location. If not like across the street, which was helpful. I wasn't waiting around a lot. Before appointments. I never felt like oh my god, when's the doctor gonna come see me? Which for anyone  dealing with cancer is kind of like they know that the waiting game can kind of play with your head a little bit. You're waiting to find out more information about what's going on. And so I always felt like I was in and out quickly. The staff was always really, really kind. I've been to a lot of doctors' offices over my lifetime. And I really think that Sloan Kettering does a really good job there.

Joyce Lofstrom

14:22

That's great. I mean, that's, I think that's good for everyone to hear and to know about what they provide for testicular cancer. So I know you went back to college when you got through all of this and started your own awareness campaign, strike out the stigma. So tell us a little bit about that. Going back to school and then this campaign.

Caleb Kerbs

14:42

Yeah, so after I got back to campus, I had a lot of time to reflect about what I wanted to do with this experience. And at that time, I felt like it was both helpful and something I just wanted to do personally, to talk about it and get the word out there. I knew that people saw what I had posted on my social media account about what I was going through in cancer treatment. So people were talking about it around me, but I wanted to do something that could help other young men detect it early on. Because that's the major thing with most cancers, catching it early enough before it spreads so quickly to other parts of your body. So I wound up meeting with my head coach, who was the first person that I called to tell him about this. He actually had somebody in his family that also had this disease. So he immediately gave me his contact information. And I called him right after surgery, just to link up with another testicular cancer survivor. And he gave me an idea of what the outlook of like the rest of homecare would look like, and moving forward, some things that helped him. So that was a key for me, being able to just talk to someone else that's going through the same thing.

So I met with my head coach, and we just kind of talked about a plan. We met with some other PR people from the campus and just talked about like, Okay, what kind of thing do you want to do, and we just started talking about ideas. And initially, they just interviewed me and got an article out there about my story. Then we decided I wanted to do something kind of comedic, and something like that will get people's attention, but also make it easier for people to talk about. So comedy just seemed like the right choice for me. I came up with a couple of ideas. And then we shot a couple of different videos with one of the PR people. The first was just kind of like, like we had that we had this phrase that we were going to use just check your check your bumps for lumps. So we're just kind of playing with that phrase. And the first video we shot was like, the whole baseball team, we usually play like a flag football game just for fun--I think it was on Halloween. And so we dressed up in football gear and then we shot a quick video of me  taking a football and checking it for lumps and stuff like that. And we like played on the whole Tom Brady football spoof situation there. Then we shot another video, a close up of examining different kinds of sports balls, with like our hands to get it out there that young man can do that.

After I put that together, I started getting calls from different people. I got Justin [Birckbichler] from a Ballsy Sense of Tumor, who reached out to me. I talked with him for a little bit, then the head of the Testicular Cancer Foundation reached out to me. And we just spoke on the phone. And he linked me up with a former major league baseball player Chad Bettis, who was a pitcher for the Colorado Rockies. Chad sent me a personal video to my phone just talking to me about testicular cancer, and his story. Then I wound up playing my senior year. And, you know, during the time that I was playing, some of the announcers that were announcing the games,  mentioned my story. So I started to get emails from different people from all over the country just emailing me, telling me how much of an impact I made, and how much they were rooting for me. Since then, I've had friends and acquaintances reach out and be like, hey, I got a lump on one of my testicles, what should I do? And yeah, I've had a couple of friends with scares like that. I always tell them just go get it checked out. I mean, what's the big deal?

Joyce Lofstrom

19:33

Yeah, you know, I think that last comment is crucial because so many young men don't go get it checked out--they wait. And I'm glad that you had that feedback from what you  know, what you've done with your campaign and being able to connect to the professional baseball player, too. I know I have a Google alert for testicular cancer. I've seen several ballplayers from across the country, different teams, who have had testicular cancer and come back to play and so forth. So it's great that you had that support on campus and with your coach and the PR team. So I'm glad that you pursue that. Because not everybody does, you know--you could have just let it go. I think you've helped a lot of people just through that one campaign. So talk a little bit about when you went back to school? Was it difficult to play baseball? The same drive? Or how did you feel about that?

Caleb Kerbs

20:43

At that time, I started to get some distance from it. It started to feel like less of a love and more of just like something that I had to do, and it just felt like I was starting to get a little burnt out from playing. Like, I didn't have the same joy anymore. I don't know if that was the environment that I was in, you know, being far from New York City and, and just being in like a cold of Maine and playing baseball, or what it really was. But I just started to think about like what the dream of playing at the next level seemed like; it was further fetched than I imagined. I started to kind of think about what I wanted to do as soon as I was done playing, and the first thing that came to my mind was like, I needed an adventure. I wanted to travel. So as soon as I stop playing--you know, we keep playing baseball after the school year is over. And we'd actually don't get to go to our college graduation because we're on the road. So it's kind of like a funky, funky thing, because you don't get any closure from school. I just needed some spontaneous adventures.

So I traveled to the West Coast, and visited some family in Colorado, and then Arizona. I went to California and visited some family I hadn't met before. And I actually got the idea that I wanted to go to Thailand. So I traveled alone to Thailand. I was interested in Thailand, because I was starting to get interested in meditation and Buddhist teachings. So I wanted to go on a retreat. There was a forest monastery that I had heard about from a friend located on the border of Myanmar and Thailand, on the north.

So I planned a trip, and went and did a 10-day retreat in the forest with some Thai monks, and did quite a lot of meditating--walking meditation, sitting meditation, and tapped into like a place in my mind that I'd never been before. It was very, very serene, and calming. A lot of memories started to come back from my childhood that I had never seen before, or felt in a long time. They came back to me and it was, yeah, it was a very  transformative experience for me. I felt like I was independent again, and just trying to find my own way. What I wanted to do next.

Just randomly, a friend from high school reached out to me and said, hey, I'm working at a really fancy hotel in the Catskill Mountains in New York, looking for someone to be like my righthand man, help run things. And he said, if you're interested, let me know. This was while I was in Thailand. So I said, yeah, sure, I'll check it out when I get back. Soon as I got back to New York, I linked up with him and started working in the hospitality industry, and got introduced to fine dining food, and was really motivated and inspired by seeing how the cooks and the chefs work. There was something about that, that reminded me a lot about athletics and just like the grind of it, the physical labor, and the preparation part of it. So after that job, I started actually cooking in a couple of different kitchens. Next week, I'm actually going to be starting at the Culinary Institute of America and trying to learn more. And we'll see where where I go from there. But that's kind of where I'm at now, I was just really inspired by food and cooking and making things taste good.

Joyce Lofstrom

25:13

Yeah, I never thought of the kitchen, all the work that goes on with a chef and his or her team in the kitchen and your analogy to athletics. And I think that's a really good analogy and something I hadn't heard before. But it makes sense, because, you know, a lot of work goes into getting that final dish on the table. So, in the Culinary Institute of America, we talked before the podcast, Caleb and I, it's a really gorgeous campus and wonderful place to go to school with all the opportunities there. I think that's just a great next step.

But I want to just comment on your time in Thailand, with the monks and meditation and, gosh, you were lucky to have that opportunity. And to do that, because I think, you know, I've only seen that like on TV shows or you know, online and stuff, but to actually be able to do that with them and find what you found within yourself. I mean, I think, Buddha's teachings, I study just very little bit, they're very helpful just to look at life that way, and embrace what comes your way and deal with it day by day, moment by moment. So I congratulate you on that. I think that's just wonderful. So what was your biggest challenge during all of this testicular cancer journey?

Caleb Kerbs

26:51

I think my biggest challenge was one, fearing that that life was coming to an end, and that I was gonna die. Which at 20-21 years old, really slowed me down. Before that, I felt like I was moving really quickly, and trying to get somewhere. And the cancer diagnosis sort of stopped me and slowed me down. That was, that was probably the number one biggest challenge. And then, the relationship that I have with my body changed, you know, like any little kind of nick or like a sore throat now, in the back of my mind, I'm thinking like, cancer's back. And so that's still one of the challenges that I continue to face. So I do therapy, I see a therapist, which, yeah, I started doing that, during college to try to help with baseball performance. But um, the therapy has really helped me just discuss feelings and get, you know, therapy is kind of like a mirror--you continue to learn more about yourself talking to another person, because it's reflected back at you. So I really enjoy the relationship I have with my therapist, and it's not always sunshine and rainbows in the sessions, but I always leave with something. And, yeah, just the relationship with my body is something that I continue. You know, when you get cancer, it feels like your body let you down.

Joyce Lofstrom

28:52

Yes, I know, I feel the same way. I'm a cancer survivor and it's any little thing still. And it's been what, for me, it's probably been 11 years since my last go round. Whether it be you or anyone, you do think, oh God, now why does this cancer coming back in my throat or in my arm or wherever it is? I understand that. I think that's a normal reaction for a lot of us. Why do you think you weren't one of these men? But why do you think men are hesitant to talk about their health? Or go check something out like a lump? Any thoughts on that?

Caleb Kerbs

29:31

Oh, yeah, I've a couple of thoughts on that. Men, I think, are taught growing up to be tough, and to not cry, and to suck it up. So we tend to grow up with, when we feel something to not really look into it and to just keep moving. Keep moving forward. There's a lot of phrases about testicles, and like it being tied to your strength or being tied to being brave, you know, you hear it a lot in sports, like, have some balls or grow a pair, you know. So there's part of that that might be tied into the identity of being a man. And so I think speaking up about something so private like that is hard for a lot of people. And, yeah, I think there's just not enough education around like the seriousness of testicular cancer. I know I didn't learn about it at all, I had no idea that it was a thing. And never learned about it and health class growing up. I think some of those are the reasons that we don't speak up about it. And then just not having support like I had, I had parents, both my mom and my dad that encouraged me to go check it out with a doctor, just see what it is. Most people, I don't think, are fortunate to have that relationship. And that support.

Joyce Lofstrom

Yeah, I agree. And that support is so crucial. Just in life in general but especially when you have cancer, you just need friends or parents or someone who can help you, encourage you to get everything checked out.

You're off to the CIA [Culinary Institute of America] tomorrow, I think. How long is the program there, to be a chef?

Caleb Kerbs 

I'm doing the two-year program. There is a four-year program there too. I've had three years of experience in kitchens; it used to be a requirement to go to the school, and now it's kind of like a recommendation. So yeah, it's a two year program. After the first year you do an 'externship' where you work in a restaurant and get some experience. And in a real kitchen with workers and be in the industry and do that for two or three months. And you're not on campus. The last year is like specialty courses. And they have six restaurants on campus so throughout of your time there, you're actually working in those restaurants as well. So I hope to one day to have my own small spot; I call it a spot because like in Brooklyn, there are these hole-in-the-wall spots where you can get food. That's kind of like the dream, that's not so clear right now, but that's in my head.

Joyce Lofstrom

You're right about the word spot because there are so many in Brooklyn and New York City, are so many of those great locations you can find. I'm talking 20 years ago when I was there. They had wonderful restaurants. 

So my last question, Caleb, is, what is the one song, when you hear it you just have to sing along to it?

Caleb Kerbs

I just got back from Houston Texas and in the Astros stadium they play a song in the 7th inning that I've been attempting to sing along with but I don't know all the lyrics; it's called "Deep in the Heart of Texas." And since I've got back from the trip I've been singing that. I'm not great with lyrics so anytime I learn a song I don't always catch the lyrics right away.

Joyce Lofstrom

Well, that's okay, I only know that one line, "Deep in the Heart of Texas."

I really appreciate you taking the time to talk with me about your testicular cancer journey, especially because I know you were busy getting ready for school. Thanks for all you've done to raise awareness. Maybe in a year or so, come back and tell us what's happening with your culinary work. 

Caleb Kerbs

Yeah, thank you so much for having me on. I was really moved by your story, your personal story, and your son's story, and wanted to participate in this podcast. I appreciate it.

Joyce Lofstrom

Thank you.

Announcer

Thank you for listening to this episode of "Don't Give Up on Testicular Cancer." If you enjoy this podcast, please subscribe to our program on your favorite podcast directory. You can also visit the Max Mallory Foundation at maxmalloryfoundation.com/podcast to listen to previous episodes or donate to the foundation. And join us again next time for another episode of "Don't Give Up on Testicular Cancer."

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